Dont call me Beautiful
by Tonkswyrda
Summary: in response to sick-atxxhearts beautiful and broken challenge All Tonks wants is to believe her cousin Sirius is innocent. she needs proof- she needs to see him. oneshot.


A/N: Thanks to Sick-atxxHeart for the wonderful challenge! This is supposed to be ho Tonks finds out and deals with the fact that her favourite cousin is supposedly a murderer.

October, 1981

"Look Sirius, I'm a princess!"

8 year old Tonks ran down the front stairs in a long, blue dress, waving a toy wand, and holding a plastic tiara in her hair with one hand. Sirius swept her into his arms, blowing a loud raspberry into her stomach. Tonks giggled.

"And what a beautiful princess you are, Dora!" Sirius kissed her forehead, putting her down when someone cleared their throat loudly behind him.

"Oh, right. Dora, guess who came to play dress up? Its Moony and Prongs!" Dora clapped her hands in delight as the two men behind Sirius waved, grimacing at the words "Dress-up."

"Yay!! Can I pick out special outfits for them Sirius? Please?" Dora looked up at him with big, puppy eyes.

"Of course you can, Dora! But you have to put prongs in a dress, 'cause he was being naughty last night." Sirius grinned at James.

"What! that's so unfair! I think that Lily and I are allowed a bit of… alone time." James glanced at Dora, who was laughing at the thought of James in a dress.

"Besides, Moony should wear the dress! He has the feminine body-"

"Hey! I resent that!"

"Aw, go on, Dora! He'd look much better in a dress!" James whined.

But Dora shook her head and dragged the boys up to her room, where she started going through her dress-up box.

"Here you go, Mr Moony! You can have a shiny helmet and a sword-"

Remus grinned at James, putting the plastic helmet on his head.

"I obviously make a brilliant knight in shining armour, Prongs!"

James made a face, which slid off his face when he saw Dora holding up a large, pink, flowery dress, and another tiara.

"You are so dead, Pads…"

"Just put it on, Prongs." Sirius implored. James snatched the dress, pouting.

"Fine. But I'm not happy about it!" He slid the dress over his head. "Not one word to Lily, alright?" he whispered to Sirius, who looked as though Christmas had come early.

"Of course not, Prongs, but may I say how dashing you look…"

"Yea yea, shut it!"

"Sirius, you can be the big prince!" A delighted Dora handed him a crown and another sword.

"You gets to be my big brother!" She cried happily.

"Hang on. You mean I gave birth to that… thing?" James asked incredulously, pointing at Sirius.

"Come on Prongsy, Don't insult your son!" Sirius laughed, poking him with his sword. Dora giggled again, her hair changing from green to pink.

"Now we can play hide and seek!"

They spent the rest of the day chasing Dora round the house, and picking James up when he tripped over the hem of the dress, until Dora's bedtime. She waved goodbye to James and Remus from her window as they made for the small alley at the end of the street, to apparate back to Godrics Hollow.

"Alright Dorrie, time for bed!" Sirius picked her up and tucked her into her bed, and kissed her on the nose.

"Night night, Sleeping beauty."

"Bye Sirius." the light flicked off.

"Sirius?" Dora called, as he was about to leave the room.

"Yes sweetie?"

"I do really wish you was my big brother."

"Oh… thanks honey. You go to sleep now!

"Alright."

Sirius watched his little cousin snuggle up under the covers, content, at this point, just to be her cousin.

_To Sirius_

_Mummy said you're going away for a while. I hope you have fun. I saw you on the muggle TV. Did you win something?_

_Love, Dora xox _

_Ps. I drew a new dress for Mr Prongs. Can you give it to him?_

_Darling Dora_

_Thanks for your letter. I'm sorry I cant tell you where I'm going. I think your mummy will tell you when your ready. I didn't win anything sweetie, and I'm really sorry, but I don't think Prongs is going to get that dress any time soon._

_Hoping your still my beautiful little princess,_

_Sirius xoxoxox_

_**Its all your fault**_

_**You called me Beautiful**_

September, 1984

Tonks sat in a compartment on the Hogwarts express, off to her first term at school. She chatted happily to the other girls in the compartment, enjoying the company of her new friends. A few hours into the ride, one girl pulled out a copy of the daily prophet. Tonks' heart jumped when she saw Sirius' picture on the front page.

"Can I read that?"

"Sure." The girl pulled off the front page and handed it to her.

Tonks eyes filled with tears as she read the article. Her hair changed from electric blue to mousy brown.

"Are you ok?" one of the girls, who Tonks remembered was called Amber, asked.

Tonks shook her head. "Did he really do that? Kill all those people… and the Potters…" Tonks asked in a small voice. The girls all looked at each other.

"Didn't you know?" Amber asked, amazed. Tonks shook her head mutely.

"Are you muggle born?" one girl asked. Once again, Tonks shook her head.

"He's… He's my cousin." Tonks said tonelessly. "And I didn't know."

She turned to face the window, feeling stupid as she watched the girls reflections, all muttering to each other. Only a single tear escaped to roll down her cheek.

_Sirius_

_I found out. Did you really do it? You just… I really need the truth._

_Please._

_Tonks_

_Dear Tonks _

_Not Dora anymore? Well… um… I don't know what to tell you to make you believe me, because the true story is very long, and crazy. Believe me when I say I didn't do it. Honey, you know how much I loved James and Lily. I could never do that. You know in your heart I'm telling you the truth. At least I hope so._

_Love Sirius xox_

_**You turned me out**_

_**And now I can't turn back**_

March, 1987

"Did you hear, that Sirius Black was in the paper again? Its so stupid, he obviously guilty as hell-"

"He's not."

Everyone outside the transfiguration class turned to stare at Tonks, who was glaring at the snotty Slytherin boy who'd been talking.

"What did you say?" the boy asked incredulously.

"You heard me. Sirius Black is not guilty!"

"Like Hell he's not! Who did it then, Peter Pettigrew?" the boy laughed sarcastically.

"You have no idea what you're talking about! Sirius would never have done that!" Tonks shot back.

"Oh yea? And how would you know anything?" the boy sneered.

"Because he's my cousin!"

The class went silent. Every eye was on Tonks.

"Nymphadora!" McGonagall stood in the class room door, face pale, lips pursed. "Headmasters office. Now." Tonks glared at the boy again, hating the smug look on his face, as she dragged her feet to Dumbledore's office. Why did she have to keep defending him? Life would be so much easier if she didn't.

_Sirius_

_Dumbledore's conned me into coming to visit. April 7__th__. He says we need to talk, cause I've been getting into shit at school. See you then._

_Tonks_

_Dear Tonks_

_I'm looking forward to your visit, although I'm not sure why you're talking to me about you getting in trouble. _

_Sirius xox_

_**I hold my breath**_

_**Because you were perfect**_

April, 1987

Tonks sat in the plastic chair on one side of a metal table, in a small, stone room. Dumbledore smiled warmly at her, watching tap her fingers on the table.

"I'm just on the other side of the door if you need me."

Tonks nodded stiffly, afraid to say anything in case she puked on him. He left. She ran a hand through her short, violet hair. Maybe this was not one of Dumbledore's better ideas…

While she examined her scuffed purple chucks, she heard the door open again, and the chair screeched against the floor as it was drawn out.

"Tonks."

She took a deep breath, and looked at her cousin, supposed murderer and death eater. She could feel the tears coming already. He just looked so… empty.

"Hi…Sirius." there was an uncomfortable silence. Then- "Mum doesn't know im doing this."

"You should have told her, in case I kill you too." Sirius said sarcastically.

"You wont hurt me." Tonks said calmly.

"No. I wont."

Tonks looked around the room, winding a short strand of hair round her finger.

"You look… beautiful." Sirius noted. Tonks snapped.

"Don't… call me beautiful. I cant- I cant stand it." She stood suddenly.

"Is no one allowed to call you beautiful? Or is it just me?" Sirius enquired.

"Just you." Tonks said quickly. She turned to face Sirius. Tears were dribbling down her face.

"This… it just sucks, Sirius. You… my heart broke, when I found out what you did! You don't understand… you cant…" Tonks took a breath. "I get in so many fights, and in so much shit, for defending you. I'm like a broken record. Sirius is innocent. Sirius is innocent. Hell, I almost believe myself now. Half the bloody school thinks I'm crazy! And… its not fair!"

She turned around, hands on her head, frustrated at herself. She sounded so cruel.

"Sorry." Sirius said quietly. Tonks snorted.

"You're sorry. Well, I think we both know its not me you have to say it to. Say it to Harry. Say it to Moony. Because I already forgave you, Sirius."

Sirius looked up in shock. Did he just hear what he thought he heard?

Tonks grinned at him through the tears. "You told me you didn't do it. I know I sound crazy, but I trust you. I'm gonna take you up on that."

Sirius smiled. He hadn't smiled in six years. Standing, he pulled Tonks into a big bear hug. "You don't know how much this means to me." He muttered. They pulled apart.

"I think I do, Sirius." she grinned, her hair going bubblegum pink. Sirius grinned.

"Do me a favour. Owl Moony. Tell him I'm not the rat."

"Sure thing." he ruffled her hair, as the door opened behind him.

"Time to go, Nymphadora."

Tonks made a face. "Okay Professor. Bye Sirius."

"See you round, kiddo."

Tonks left Azkaban, feeling like a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She could trust Sirius, because he was innocent. Still… she wished she hadn't lied to him. It wasn't only him who couldn't call her beautiful. No one, not even Charlie or her Mum had called her beautiful since she was eight years old. Because every time, all she saw was Sirius, and all she imagined her doing was killing his (and her) friends.

She wished that Sirius hadn't broken her like that. Because she wasn't beautiful. But now, just maybe, now she could be. Because she knew the truth.

_**And I'm running out of air**_

_**And it's not fair**_

A/N: I always thought Tonks would go see Sirius sometime, if they really were that close. The bold lyrics are from P!nk, It's all your fault. Ive been itching to do a fic about Sirius' and Tonks' relationship since I heard it. Hope you enjoyed, and please review!


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